


In Dreams

by Inkera



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pearl finds out that recovery isn't linear, descriptions of choking in the beginning, rethinking feelings about Rose, takes place after SU future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkera/pseuds/Inkera
Summary: Takes place after SU Future.Pearl has a nightmare about a past memory, and it's up to the gem family to comfort her.-Tumblr: inkera0
Relationships: Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl (Steven Universe), Past Pearl/Rose Quartz
Comments: 7
Kudos: 73





	In Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick fic I wrote while feeling sad. I wanted to explore Pearl's feelings about Pink Diamond's order of silence because let's face it... it's pretty messed up.
> 
> Past Pearl/Rose relationship, but not always described in a good light. Just as a warning.

_You know this is crazy, right? Your status, my purpose… None of it will matter anymore. This will change everything._

_I know. Isn’t it exciting?_

Rose’s enthusiasm was infectious, just like it had been the first time they met all those years ago. Pearl didn’t know the exact moment she fell in love with her, but she did know one thing: everything Pearl did, she did for Rose. Throwing herself in front of an axe meant for her Diamond was child’s play compared to the risk they would both be taking with this stunt, but Pearl would go to the ends of the Earth for her if she asked. 

_It is._

Pearl had said this shyly, with a blush. The very idea was quite romantic, wasn’t it? 

_We can leave our own lives behind._

Pearl had known all along that her Diamond desperately wanted to escape her past, and a small selfish part of her wanted to whisk her away to a place where they could spend the rest of their lives in peace, not worrying about the next fight or which comrades they might lose the following day. After all they had been through, didn’t they deserve this? 

Didn’t they deserve to rest?

_I want to live here with you. We’ll both finally be free!_

It was easy for Pearl to get lost in the fantasy and push away the impending consequences to the back of her mind, far behind the beautiful memories they’ll surely make together in their new world, behind their happiness, and love, and…

_There’s one last thing I need to do._

All Rose needed to do was ask, and Pearl would do it. 

_Yes?_

_No one can ever find out we did this. I never want to look back._

Rose’s soft and loving hands folded over Pearl’s, and her heart skipped a beat. Pearl wanted to intertwine their fingers together so they could never be pulled apart, not even if the world was ending. No matter the consequences of their actions, if they faced this together, they could get through anything. 

_For my last order to you as a Diamond, please, let’s never speak of this again._

It made sense; the rebellion could never find out or else all their hard work would be for nothing. Pearl thought of how Garnet - her best friend - would react to the knowledge of their fearless leader fabricating a war against herself; how Rose’s feelings toward the fusion would appear to be nothing but empty words. How the deaths of their comrades would mean _nothing_ \- just worthless gem shards to be blown away with the wind. 

She thought of Bismuth, of Biggs and Snowflake and all the other gems that entrusted their very lives and futures to Rose. All of that would mean nothing in the face of the truth.

_No one can know._

It made sense. But something about this whole situation felt wrong.

It was at this point where those beautiful, kind eyes that Pearl was so used to gazing into on those warm, summer evenings grew into something hard and unfamiliar. There was a darkness hiding behind those orbs that Pearl had once seen directed toward Rose’s enemies - the gems threatening the very safety of her friends. Not once had Pearl thought they would ever be directed toward _her._

Rose’s large grip tightened over Pearl’s tiny, delicate hands to the point of pain, and she winced, confusion clouding her eyes.

_R...Rose?_

Rose lifted both her and Pearl’s hands and placed them over Pearl’s mouth, muffling a surprised whimper. 

_My Pearl…_

The words were said with such sorrow and regret that Pearl’s chest ached with sympathy, even as Rose led her backward toward the wall of the palanquin, even when the air was knocked out of her lungs as her back slammed against the grating.

Pearl was crying now - large drops of tears slid down her pale cheeks and over their intertwined fingers that were still held tightly over her lips. A large hand slid its way down and around Pearl’s throat, where fingers tightened and dug into her airway, leaving crescent shaped marks. Pearl locked eyes with the other woman, frantically searching for answers. 

Where Pearl once found love and acceptance, a comfort from the storm of their shared secrets, she now only saw cold calculation and emptiness, an unfeeling void that left Pearl shivering. 

Rose - no, this _impostor_ ; this can’t possibly be the same woman she fell in love with - pressed harder with the hand over Pearl’s mouth, causing the back of her head to scrape against the grating. 

The hand around her throat squeezed impossibly tighter. Pearl tried to take in air to tell Rose that she was _hurting her_ but was blocked by the strong fingers pressing in ever tighter, and she just couldn’t understand why the woman she loved would _do such a thing_ , and after all these years, didn’t Rose trust her? But all she could process was the _pain_ on her throat and the pain in her chest and _how could she do this_ -

With a gasp, Pearl shot up from the floor near Steven’s bed, chest heaving as she tried to intake the air she was denied. The room was pitch black with the exception of the crescent moon shining its light through pane glass windows, but she knew the layout well enough to understand and process that this _wasn’t_ the palanquin and that it was _only a dream_. She raised a trembling hand to her throat to make sure those fingers weren’t still squeezing into it, letting out a weak laugh when she found nothing but the cold sweat coating her skin. 

Now that she was a little more grounded in reality, memories of the past few days came flooding back to her. Steven had decided to stop by for a visit half way through his road trip, and he was greeted with an over enthusiastic welcoming party - admittedly due to Pearl not quite accepting that their previous party plans were up to standard. Most of Beach City had attended the festivities that started in the morning and lasted well into the evening. After all the guests had left for the night, Amethyst suggested they have a slumber party for old times’ sake in Steven’s old room, which Greg was more than happy to give up for one night. 

Pearl hadn’t expected to fall asleep; she wanted to spend as much time with Steven as she could before he left again. However, she found herself the only one still awake long past midnight, and she must have drifted off without meaning to. 

Even with the limited visibility, Pearl could make out the outlines of three nearby crouched figures, and as her eyes adjusted to the dark, the three worried faces of her best friends stared back at her. 

Steven was the first to speak, his voice wavering. “Pearl? Are you okay?” The old, familiar kindness in his eyes made Pearl’s chest ache, and she almost started crying at the memory. Steven _wasn’t_ Rose. Pearl should be past this; she was _healing_ , damn it. So why did all these old feelings come flooding back? 

Pearl fiddled with her fingers, glistening eyes darting to the floor. “Yes… Yes, I’m fine.” By the glances shared between the three of them, her answer wasn’t very convincing. “It was just a bad dream.”

Garnet shuffled closer, putting a comforting arm around Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl sighed and rested her cheek on the other gem’s chest, leaning into the embrace. She always felt safe with the fusion, even after thousands of years together, even after everything they’ve been through. Besides Rose, she had been the only constant in Pearl’s erratic life during the rebellion, and nothing could change that connection they shared. Garnet took a steadying breath before murmuring, “I should tell you…”

“Hmm?”

“Your dream was projecting again.” 

Pearl’s heart almost stopped. “How... much did you see?” 

“All of it.” 

Amethyst recognized the beginning of Pearl’s panic, so she interjected, taking the alabaster gem’s trembling hand between two of her own, “Hey, it’s okay. You know you can talk to us, right?”

Any other time, Pearl would have been impressed by Amethyst’s growth over the past few years. Not too long ago, their relationship would have been too awkward to discuss complicated feelings, but here she was, comforting Pearl after a nightmare instead of cracking a joke to ease the tension. Instead, Pearl let out a shaky breath that gradually transformed into a strained sob. She curled herself more into Garnet’s chest, shoulders shuddering, as she bit her lip in an effort to conceal the whimpers emitting from her lips. 

With Garnet situated on Pearl’s left, Amethyst shifted closer to her right side and flung her arms around the other gem’s waist, gently resting her temple upon Pearl’s shoulder. Steven was on Amethyst’s right side, clinging onto her arm as well. The four of them sat huddled together against the foot of the bed as they waited until Pearl was ready to talk.

“Steven,” whispered Pearl, nearly imperceptible in the small room. The boy in question perked up at the mention of his name after nearly half an hour of silence. “You shouldn’t have had to see that. I’m sorry.” 

“Pearl.” His tone was insistent and concerned. “You should worry about yourself right now.”

“No,” replied Pearl, her voice surprisingly stern after all her crying. “I’m done pushing my past onto you.” She reached over Amethyst to gently squeeze Steven’s hand in reassurance. “I’m so sorry for how I hurt you in the past.” 

Steven swallowed and nodded, not quite sure how to respond. Instead, he said, “It was different from the memory I saw in your gem.”

Pearl shook her head. “This one was just a dream. Rose would never...” She hesitated. “Rose would never harm me like that.” 

“All this time, you were ordered to keep her secrets,” Garnet breathed, and Pearl turned to gaze at the taller gem. “You explained before about the order of silence, but the implications… I didn’t think to consider how you might have been affected, how Rose could have betrayed your _trust_ like that. After the truth came out, Ruby and Sapphire were focused on coming to terms with the meaning of their relationship, and then there was the wedding to plan, followed by the trip to Homeworld…”

Pearl cuddled closer to the fusion, resting her head in the crook of the other gem’s neck. “We had bigger things to worry about.”

“No,” stated Garnet, lifting Pearl’s chin with a finger to meet her gaze. “ _Your_ feelings matter. You didn’t deserve what she did, Pearl. No one does.”

“It’s not like I don’t understand why she did it,” confessed Pearl. She lowered her gaze to the hardwood floor, fiddling with the edge of one of the panels. “In a time of war… it made the most sense.”

“She took advantage of you,” Garnet sighed into the smaller gem’s hair. “She treated you like a _Pearl_ , against everything she preached about equality and empowerment. She took away your choice to confide in your friends, making you bear that burden for her for thousands of years.” 

“I…”

“Garnet has a point,” Amethyst insisted. “There’s no reason to defend her now, P. Especially after all she’s done. She hurt you, and there’s no rationalizing that away.”

“She was the whole reason for the rebellion,” Pearl uttered weakly. “For Earth’s independence, for us to live freely.” She clenched her eyes shut as a tear made its way down her cheek. “If she could do all those wonderful things but also hurt me so badly… then who exactly did I fall in love with?”

Garnet pulled the alabaster gem to her chest again, feeling the way her shoulders shuddered under her sobs. The larger gem rubbed her hand soothingly over her back. “There’s no straight answer for that, unfortunately. But you can allow yourself to feel bad about her, Pearl. It’s okay to be upset.” 

Pearl sniffled. “It feels like a betrayal of everything she stood for. A betrayal of our relationship.”

Garnet gave a sad smile. “Life isn’t so black and white as that.”

Pearl took a moment to contemplate. She thought of how Rose would take her on walks along the coast near the temple, gushing about the beauty of the planet they were proud to defend. She thought of the first time they fully fused under the starlit sky; it had been a happy accident that left them giggling and cuddling for hours afterward, not wanting to be apart for even a second. 

Then, she thought about Volleyball and her cracked eye - the Pink Pearl’s reaction to Steven’s anger as she cowered to the floor, afraid that another Pink Diamond would deliver another permanent injury upon her. She thought of her own selfishness and blindness to the truth that she had the gall to question the former Pink Pearl’s accusations. 

A pit opened in her stomach. “I’m making excuses for her again, aren’t I?”

The surrounding gems said nothing but instead offered their silent support and reassurance in the form of comforting touches and hugs. Wearily, Pearl leaned back against the foot of the bed. She was so tired - of dealing with the remnants of what Rose left behind, of the repercussions of her actions that rippled through time that stung even after thousands of years. She was tired of the small part of her that still clung to their broken relationship like a lifeline. But she knew that despite all of these setbacks and tribulations, her family would be by her side, ready to take on the storm.

Outside in the distance, the dark night sky gave way to warm hues as the sun started to creep over the horizon. Chirping bird songs filled the air, indicating the start of a brand new day. 

When Steven failed to stifle a yawn as he settled his head onto Amethyst’s shoulder as a makeshift pillow, Pearl frowned. “Steven, you’re going to get a sore neck. Please sleep on your bed.”

The boy shook his head. “Nope.”

“But -”

Steven reached over to grab a pillow from the bed and went back to his original position on Amethyst’s shoulder, this time throwing his arms around her waist. “It’s cuddle time.”

“Steven…”

Amethyst guffawed, hooking her arms around Steven and Pearl at the same time, pulling them close. Pearl made a surprised noise as her nose almost crashed into the smaller gem’s head during the motion. “Group hug!”

Pearl sputtered, “This isn’t sustainable -”

Garnet hummed and ruffled Pearl’s hair affectionately, before pulling all four of them into one big cuddle pile, much to Steven and Amethyst’s delight. “Cuddle time.”

Pearl sighed exasperatedly over their giggles, before giving a soft smile as she looked over her family who had stuck by her side all these years. “Okay, just this once.” 

This time, when Pearl closed her eyes, she was greeted with a dreamless sleep, embraced by the people she loved. 


End file.
